Pro-Ana Sites are More Hardcore Than You Are
The real reason that I decided to start this thing is that I did something bad to myself this weekend and thought somebody out there might find it newsworthy. All week I saw the commercial on TV for Boston Public for the episode where the pro-anorexic website is discovered. For years people accused me of being anorexic so my ears pricked up. I wound up scouring the net, looking for these pro-ana sites to find out what the stink was.
I discovered that most of the sites seem to be taken down, but some are still up, just better hidden than before I guess. I also rediscovered the fact that I am not anorexic. I an a little weird about the way my body looks but who isn't. Anyway, I'm not anorexic because I never had an issue with keeping my weight down and not too much of an issue with keeping thin. But I have always had issues with food. In the past few years I have made personal "progress" I guess and gained from 110 to 125.
My issue with food is that most of it is revolting. You can hear it mushing up in your mouth and other people's mouths. It truly is repulsive. You take something, put it in your mouth, smush it to pulp with your teeth and mix it with your spit until it looks and feels disgusting, and then you contract your mouth and throat and squish it down your esophagus. I cannot put into words how putrid that really is. If more people stopped to think about that, more people would eat less.
Basically, my eating philosophy is: if you'd be grossed out if someone rubbed it all over your arm, why are you rubbing it all over the inside of your mouth?
For the past few years, while I gained that weight, I have been able to push that idea to the back of my mind, although there are still lots of foods I can't eat. Unfortunately for me, I stumbled across one of these pro-ana sites that was not dedicated so much to "be thin! be thin!" as it was to "food is revolting and here's why!" In other words, I got sucked in and read this girl's site and it brought all these old feelings right up to the front of my mind. Later that evening I found that I couldn't eat a bowl of pasta because the sauce was too thick, sticky, and gross in texture (although it tasted good). For a few very real moments I thought I was going to yak but I controlled that. I couldn't, however, regain enough control to resume eating.
I had trouble today too, but not so bad. Looks like I messed myself up a little. I hope this goes away in a few days.
The real reason that I decided to start this thing is that I did something bad to myself this weekend and thought somebody out there might find it newsworthy. All week I saw the commercial on TV for Boston Public for the episode where the pro-anorexic website is discovered. For years people accused me of being anorexic so my ears pricked up. I wound up scouring the net, looking for these pro-ana sites to find out what the stink was.
I discovered that most of the sites seem to be taken down, but some are still up, just better hidden than before I guess. I also rediscovered the fact that I am not anorexic. I an a little weird about the way my body looks but who isn't. Anyway, I'm not anorexic because I never had an issue with keeping my weight down and not too much of an issue with keeping thin. But I have always had issues with food. In the past few years I have made personal "progress" I guess and gained from 110 to 125.
My issue with food is that most of it is revolting. You can hear it mushing up in your mouth and other people's mouths. It truly is repulsive. You take something, put it in your mouth, smush it to pulp with your teeth and mix it with your spit until it looks and feels disgusting, and then you contract your mouth and throat and squish it down your esophagus. I cannot put into words how putrid that really is. If more people stopped to think about that, more people would eat less.
Basically, my eating philosophy is: if you'd be grossed out if someone rubbed it all over your arm, why are you rubbing it all over the inside of your mouth?
For the past few years, while I gained that weight, I have been able to push that idea to the back of my mind, although there are still lots of foods I can't eat. Unfortunately for me, I stumbled across one of these pro-ana sites that was not dedicated so much to "be thin! be thin!" as it was to "food is revolting and here's why!" In other words, I got sucked in and read this girl's site and it brought all these old feelings right up to the front of my mind. Later that evening I found that I couldn't eat a bowl of pasta because the sauce was too thick, sticky, and gross in texture (although it tasted good). For a few very real moments I thought I was going to yak but I controlled that. I couldn't, however, regain enough control to resume eating.
I had trouble today too, but not so bad. Looks like I messed myself up a little. I hope this goes away in a few days.
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