Resolutions

Cindy posted her New Year's Resolutions and I'm going to post mine. Here goes.

1. I resolve to send out Christmas cards next year. Thanks to those of you who sent them to us this year. Next year, you'll get one from us.

2. I am giving up cursing and foul slang.

I know, you've heard that one from me before, but this time I mean it. I'm really going to do it. I *am* human, though, so there are a few mild curse words I'm retaining. They are damn, bastards, and screw. I figure, with that little set of curse words I can probably say whatever I need to say.

This will probably not change the fact that motherfucker is the word that comes out of me when I'm enraged. Only on rare occasions am I enraged to the point that this jewel of a cuss word come out of me. Some of my ex-officemates may have heard me utter it. But when I'm that angry, it's a special occasion and resolutions go out the window for a half-hour or so.

Madonna

Swept Away was on HBO the other night. Due to the recent BlogLand Madonna discussions, Tom and I thought we'd watch a few minutes of it. It had already been on for about a half an hour. We ended up watching it to the bitter end, completely astonished at how remarkably bad the movie was.

Madonna was a shittier--uh, oops--cruddier actor than ususal in it. Just try to imagine that! Her character was supposed to be a bitch--uh--a spoiled princess who was totally hate-able. But Madge's acting was so bad that we didn't feel anything toward her character. The character was so poorly played that all we could see was how badly Madonna was failing at the portrayal.

The storyline was repulsive. If memory serves, this movie is a remake--but the writer/director Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Sucks) has turned up the volume on the original storyline. Turned it up WAY too far. For example, this scene: I suspect in the original the man runs after the woman, grabs her and turns her toward him, forcing a kiss upon her. After a moment of struggle, she acquiesces, and then he pushes her away with a snide comment. In THIS version of the movie, the man runs after Madonna, violently throws her down in the sand, and begins to rape her. After a moment of struggle, she acquiesces, moaning in delight, and then he pushes her away with a snide comment.

This does more than than sicken me (are we promoting rape fantasies, Mr. Ritchie?), it contributes to the ruin of the storyline by heightening the unbelievability of the characters. And the characters are not unbelievable in some artsy, purposeful way, either. They're just straight-up fake. I won't bother to retell any more about the story. We've all heard the movie blows chunks. I'm just reaffirming that.

But let's talk about Madonna's body in the movie. I'm all for fitness, but that wacked out diet she's on that has made her lose almost all her body fat is yucky. Demi Moore has been on that diet, too. I can't remember what the deal is with the diet, but it's similar to what bodybuilders do reveal their muscles. Well, you know what bodybuilders' faces look like? Like the leathery diseased skin is stretched tight over a skull? That's what Madge looks like in this film. (See also: recent pics of Demi with Ashton) She looks really, really bad in this film. And, there's a few scenes where you see blood vessels popping out on her forearms, which is just nasty. Her body is shapely from a distance and nasty up close. So is her face. Deeeee-sgusting.