It doesn't ever stop, babe, until you're dead.
Oh, Josh. I guess you figured that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore, since you and Jason could go through it, wonderful or tragic, together.
I remember you both as boys, when I was just a girl. You were my Tweety Bird. I think I talked to you every single night during 8th grade, when my heart was breaking because you were dating LeighAnne instead of me. Oh, I have pictures of you from that time. I thought you were so dreamy. I thought you were so smart, too, being in my nerdy gifted classes with me.
In high school, I'd sneak out of my house with Spoonbill and Jason, and we'd go down to your house. There was your kooky mother asking us if our parents knew we were out (yeah right, at 3am on a Tuesday). I remember the night we painted the words "eat me" on the hood of Spoon's car, and that a few nights later we added a "b" changing it to "beat me" because Spoon's mom had said "eat me" was inappropriate. She should have known better!
I remember all those cats at your house, and you eating green persimmons off of the tree on a dare, and then spitting them everywhere. I remember parties and music and what a sweet little soul you had. I remember my heart breaking because you were dating Rachel instead of me.
And I remember you at Jason's funeral 7 weeks ago. I cried in your arms and got lipstick on your shirt and begged you never to do this. I begged you always to be there and you said you would--and I believed you. I knew better than to believe you but I did anyway. You said, "Why the fuck didn't he just move? Just go somewhere completely new and try to be someone else, if he hated himself so much?" Well, why the fuck didn't you? I know you were torn to pieces inside by Jason, especially because you and he had gotten closer again this past year, when he stayed with his sister in Alec for a while.
I loved you, silly. So, so much. I woke up thinking about you this morning, thinking, "I'll definitely send a wedding invitation to Josh, but I guess I need to send a separate one to his mom, too." Not a profound thought, admittedly, but you were on my mind, even before I knew you had done what you did.
Your mom, crying on the phone with me weeks ago, told me, "The next funeral you go to will be his." I guess she didn't mean that, because they have rushed the ceremony and will have it tomorrow at 3pm. Less than 36 hours from time-of-departure. That makes me wonder, Josh, what the hell did you do to yourself? Why are they rushing this so much? Is it just that Phyllis couldn't take it to see us all? Jason's funeral was so hard on her, she kept telling me that he was like her son, too. Now both of you are gone. I miss you.
Oh, Josh. I guess you figured that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore, since you and Jason could go through it, wonderful or tragic, together.
I remember you both as boys, when I was just a girl. You were my Tweety Bird. I think I talked to you every single night during 8th grade, when my heart was breaking because you were dating LeighAnne instead of me. Oh, I have pictures of you from that time. I thought you were so dreamy. I thought you were so smart, too, being in my nerdy gifted classes with me.
In high school, I'd sneak out of my house with Spoonbill and Jason, and we'd go down to your house. There was your kooky mother asking us if our parents knew we were out (yeah right, at 3am on a Tuesday). I remember the night we painted the words "eat me" on the hood of Spoon's car, and that a few nights later we added a "b" changing it to "beat me" because Spoon's mom had said "eat me" was inappropriate. She should have known better!
I remember all those cats at your house, and you eating green persimmons off of the tree on a dare, and then spitting them everywhere. I remember parties and music and what a sweet little soul you had. I remember my heart breaking because you were dating Rachel instead of me.
And I remember you at Jason's funeral 7 weeks ago. I cried in your arms and got lipstick on your shirt and begged you never to do this. I begged you always to be there and you said you would--and I believed you. I knew better than to believe you but I did anyway. You said, "Why the fuck didn't he just move? Just go somewhere completely new and try to be someone else, if he hated himself so much?" Well, why the fuck didn't you? I know you were torn to pieces inside by Jason, especially because you and he had gotten closer again this past year, when he stayed with his sister in Alec for a while.
I loved you, silly. So, so much. I woke up thinking about you this morning, thinking, "I'll definitely send a wedding invitation to Josh, but I guess I need to send a separate one to his mom, too." Not a profound thought, admittedly, but you were on my mind, even before I knew you had done what you did.
Your mom, crying on the phone with me weeks ago, told me, "The next funeral you go to will be his." I guess she didn't mean that, because they have rushed the ceremony and will have it tomorrow at 3pm. Less than 36 hours from time-of-departure. That makes me wonder, Josh, what the hell did you do to yourself? Why are they rushing this so much? Is it just that Phyllis couldn't take it to see us all? Jason's funeral was so hard on her, she kept telling me that he was like her son, too. Now both of you are gone. I miss you.
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