Fat fat fat and I am Very Evil.
Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of things, compared to other people, etc., I am not fat. But this size 12 thing has become too much for me. I weigh 138. That is too much. I have got to lose weight.
The public library here has oodles of workout tapes available for checkout. A week ago, I brought home a Billy Blanks taebo tape. It is too hard for me. I get all sweaty and exhausted, yes, but that's not what I mean. I mean, I can't learn these ridiculous steps. I just can't! And I'll finally get some of the steps, but the next day I have to learn them all over again. This stuff is just not sticking with me.
This week, I'm doing some Walk Away the Pounds tape which I think was designed for the over-65 set. Basically, it's just stomping around in place. The woman has everyone pull out their 'stretchies' and do some curls and stuff. Regular weights work fine. You don't need the stretchy, which is a good thing, because the library probably doesn't have that available for checkout.
Also this week I'm gobbling TrimSpa. Anna Nicole wouldn't lie to me, right? The TrimSpa is working really, really well as an appetite suppressant. You have to gulp down a glass of water with the pills, which helps suppress appetite of course, but the actual appetite suppressant ingredient works great too. Long lasting. Plus, these pills give me the urge to move around and do the Walk Away the Pounds with Grandpa tape.
And finally, I have added Dance Dance Revolution to my workout regimen. Yes, you know. The silly game where you hopscotch around on a mat to Japanese techno music. Apparently, lots of people have lost weight with it. It's cardio for the unmotivated.
So why have I suddenly decided that I have got to lose at least 10 lbs, and fast? Here's why. I have an enemy. She and I got into a big tangle several months ago, and I have since referred to her as The Cryer here on my blog. Not "crier" like someone who disseminates information, but "Cryer" as in someone who cries tears over nothing.
Anyway, The Cryer is a source of stress for me. Her mere existance bothers the tar out of me. And since I very much doubt that she will suddenly get a different job and leave, I have decided that I have to kiss and make up with her so that I can get her the hell out of my life. Know what I mean?
So the other day I popped into her office for literally 5 seconds and said, "Hey,if you're up for it, around the end of the semester you and I should go do something together to try to repair our friendship." She agreed, and I left with the immediate thought that I have to look light-years better than her when we meet for coffee or whatever the eff it is that we're going to go do. Maybe that's silly, but Looking-Better-Than is always what I have done when I am entering into a situation with someone who causes me stress. And she really, really does. I need to know that no matter what sort of disaster this meeting for coffee might turn out to be, that I will look light years better than her when it all goes down.
She's a bit doughy. Probably the same size as me. So that means I have to be smaller. Wish me luck. It's ON, dude. Me against the Fat.
I am also apparently Very Evil. But those of you who know and fear--uh, I mean, LOVE--me already knew that, huh!
The public library here has oodles of workout tapes available for checkout. A week ago, I brought home a Billy Blanks taebo tape. It is too hard for me. I get all sweaty and exhausted, yes, but that's not what I mean. I mean, I can't learn these ridiculous steps. I just can't! And I'll finally get some of the steps, but the next day I have to learn them all over again. This stuff is just not sticking with me.
This week, I'm doing some Walk Away the Pounds tape which I think was designed for the over-65 set. Basically, it's just stomping around in place. The woman has everyone pull out their 'stretchies' and do some curls and stuff. Regular weights work fine. You don't need the stretchy, which is a good thing, because the library probably doesn't have that available for checkout.
Also this week I'm gobbling TrimSpa. Anna Nicole wouldn't lie to me, right? The TrimSpa is working really, really well as an appetite suppressant. You have to gulp down a glass of water with the pills, which helps suppress appetite of course, but the actual appetite suppressant ingredient works great too. Long lasting. Plus, these pills give me the urge to move around and do the Walk Away the Pounds with Grandpa tape.
And finally, I have added Dance Dance Revolution to my workout regimen. Yes, you know. The silly game where you hopscotch around on a mat to Japanese techno music. Apparently, lots of people have lost weight with it. It's cardio for the unmotivated.
So why have I suddenly decided that I have got to lose at least 10 lbs, and fast? Here's why. I have an enemy. She and I got into a big tangle several months ago, and I have since referred to her as The Cryer here on my blog. Not "crier" like someone who disseminates information, but "Cryer" as in someone who cries tears over nothing.
Anyway, The Cryer is a source of stress for me. Her mere existance bothers the tar out of me. And since I very much doubt that she will suddenly get a different job and leave, I have decided that I have to kiss and make up with her so that I can get her the hell out of my life. Know what I mean?
So the other day I popped into her office for literally 5 seconds and said, "Hey,if you're up for it, around the end of the semester you and I should go do something together to try to repair our friendship." She agreed, and I left with the immediate thought that I have to look light-years better than her when we meet for coffee or whatever the eff it is that we're going to go do. Maybe that's silly, but Looking-Better-Than is always what I have done when I am entering into a situation with someone who causes me stress. And she really, really does. I need to know that no matter what sort of disaster this meeting for coffee might turn out to be, that I will look light years better than her when it all goes down.
She's a bit doughy. Probably the same size as me. So that means I have to be smaller. Wish me luck. It's ON, dude. Me against the Fat.
I am also apparently Very Evil. But those of you who know and fear--uh, I mean, LOVE--me already knew that, huh!
| You Are 62% Evil |
 You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. |
4 Comments:
At 11:29 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Cindy cracks me up. And it also amuses me that you are motivated to do exercise tapes because of the cryer.
Do you have to be skinnier than this chick to be superior? I mean, can't you find other points of superiority that you can lord over her at coffee? For example, surely you are (pick one) smarter, wittier, more interesting, more learned about KFed than this person? Aren't all of those good points of comparison? Why JUST be thinner?
I'm thinking The Cryer doesn't stand a chance. Poor woman.
At 12:15 PM ,
Unknown said...
Heh!
At 7:25 PM ,
Tiffany PinkDog said...
The Cryer has shown herself to be a formidable opponent. Her crying, in fact, was a huge part of her attack strategy last time. I have got to be prepared for anything. Unlikely as it may seem, I could be limping away defeated. If that happens, I'd better be doing it in at least size 10s, not 12s. It could be my only victory point!
At 9:50 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hrm. Only,uh, 62% Evil, eh? Well, I, uh, guess that's okay...with only the 62% Evil thing and all. I guess it's true what they say: If you don't use it, you lose it.
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